Life from the perspective of a divorced HIV positive mother- Adapted from Asunta Wagura’s Diary
Source: The Daily Nation
Every woman has an “on-it” tray in which she has pressing personal, psychological and professional issues she is dealing with. Sometimes she is on a long term basis. At other times it is an on-and –off thing.
I have four items on my “on-it” tray: living with HIV, raising a sweet son who has autism spectrum disorder (ASD), raising twins and being a divorced mother of five boys, four of whom are under the age of nine (not necessarily in that order though).
I cannot do this on my own. My prayer is that God will help me deal with the stuff on my “on-it” tray and that I will live by divine design and purpose. Last year was crazy. I am still wondering how I didn’t lose my mind. Add the divorce to the maddening side effects of my antiretroviral drugs and I was two seconds away from being declared a nutcase.
For a long time, I lived without concrete goals or plans. I was this vessel which had sails but was not using them to chart its own course. I got into this habit of doing things on a whim, of drifting along. This has certainly changed. I do not want to leave my life (and love) to chance. As the author Emmanuel James “Jim” Rohn once put it, “If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan, and guess what they planned for you…not much.”
Raising my boys by divine design
Any newly single or divorced mother knows the many challenges that come with parenting. I am in that club now that I am divorced. I am re-learning the art of parenting. I hate that I cannot do it alone.
I cannot be their father which is why I am now relying on God’s help. I want my sons to turn out right, so I must do the right thing by God and them. While I was thinking ASD was heavy enough to knock me off balance, I gained my feet back just in time to handle the blow of divorce. However, this is a whole new mountain which I must climb and conquer.
Because of the number of items on my “on-it” tray, time management is a huge priority. I have realized that no matter how long I am privileged, I can never have enough time. I pray to God to give me clarity in dealing with what is important and what is not, which will make me focus on the important things. I am making drastic adjustments to make the most out of my time. I have the best chance of living a fuller life, a life without regret, regardless of my HIV and divorced status.
Surmounting Odds by Divine Design
I am fifty. I am not getting any younger but I am still learning from my mistakes in setting goals. I am learning that repeating these mistakes means that to some extent, I am to blame. I am the common denominator which is why I want divine involvement when setting goals. I am done with making plans then forcing God to bless them.
Living Positively by Divine Design
Living positively has been on my “on-it” tray for almost thirty years, still that doesn’t mean I have mastered this demon. At one point, I thought living with HIV and the stigma that came with it, the tallest mountains. Once I reached their peak, I realized how empty I felt, being a healthy woman with only one kid to raise. I wanted more kids, even though the N.A.T. kid looked like an insurmountable mountain.
HIV, age and the proverbial biological clock are some of the mountains I had to climb in the recent past. Now I am at the of another dizzying mountain-divorce. Girlfriend, what’s on your “on-it” tray? Don’t let it keep you down. You can do this!